Truth is...

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Dear Reader,

Whoever you are, if you turn out to know me in real life, please

Tell me if I did something really wrong

Instead of ignoring me

But silently punishing me by the mistakes I've done

Please...

Don't try to avoid me just because you don't to want be involved with a person like me

Who've done a mistake that you never tell I did

I'm just a normal human being, like you

Weak, like what's written in the Quran

In the Surah An-Nisa'

That's why my brothers and sisters

He created you and me

To support each other

So we won't go astray

You guide me and I'll guide you

In the best way, Muhammad S.A.W.'s way

But hey...

I can accept a direct critic right on my face

Though it might hurt a bit

Not a bit, a lot

Let it be, let me be

Let me feel the sensation of pain that I haven't feel for quite some time

Because with pain, I'll truly realize

Who I really am all this time

TRUTH hurts but hey, it is way better than LIES

A Dramatic Week, Duh.

Assalamualaikum

I just listened to The Piano Guys' Begin Again.

And it somehow made me ponder. Made me think that, I can begin again.

I SHOULD begin again.

Begin what?

Everything.
Especially on this blessed month of Ramadhan, yes, let's begin...again.

Yeah, it's kinda weird that a song from Taylor Swift that actually motivates me to start all over again, this Ramadhan.

But who cares, my kind of new chapter doesn't have anything to do with the song's lyrics though. Except for the "...begin again". Haha.

And remember, I was reminded by TPG's Begin Again cover, not the Taylor Swift's one.

Curious about The Piano Guys? Check them out at Youtube.

And oh yes, I also heard 'Human' by Christina Perri.

"You just knew that song? That song is ancient!"

Ok, I heard like months ago but I had no idea about the lyrics but the song sounds fancy(?) to me. (I don't think 'fancy' is an appropriate word for such song)

Then, I just recently saw the lyrics and...

I realized that this song is quite deep somehow, a bit different than other songs these days. Simply my forte. Christina Perri, you nailed it once again!

"But I'm only human, I bleed when I fall down"

We're not perfect, no matter how much we try because "we're only human". But still we need to do our best towards perfection, right matey?


Haha. I talked a lot about songs this time cause, I had a week filled with TSUNAMI wave of emotions. I don't even have much appetite at all.

When I was happy, I became a bit too cheeky, goofy and a little crazy somehow.

Then, when I was sad, I slept or cried at the toilet. Cried before I sleep because I couldn't fall asleep. Cried thinking of every little things. I don't think I ever cry this much in my teenagehood (?).

Hmm, when I'm mad and depressed, I just stay quiet, just nodding to every word people say or else I'll explode. Crumpling lots of papers, (totally not good for the environment) or just quickly leave the crowd and...cry.

I rarely cry. Really. And I usually eat a lot. But I wasn't last week. It all happened in a week. maybe two.

I don't know what was wrong. Maybe because of my exam results. Maybe because it was my birthday. Maybe because I didn't win the race. Maybe because my Add Maths teacher is leaving. Maybe... I was too far from remembering Allah, I lost control and became weak.

Or all of the above.

Don't worry I'm doing just fine now. No worries. You know teenage girls and feels. Duh.

(tapi serius, birthday tahun ni memang hambar)

By the way, Ramadhan Al-Mubarak! Wassalam alaik.

What to Pursue? Stop Asking Me That!

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Assalamualaikum, and yeay! I'm writing again. I don't know why, but I just feel excited to write (although no one read my blog). You know how it feels when there's an idea or issues struck into your brain and the effectors send the impulses to the finger to elaborate them here, in my blog.

It's wonderful.

So, last week I went to Aussie. And yeah, it was fun and gave me a whole new experience because I never went to developed country like Aussie before. 

Wait, is Aussie a developed country? Not sure bout that, I think so. It's a First World country, so basically, it's a developed country, ahah!

Never mind. However, I'm not going to talk about the places we went to or something like that. 

It's just that I had a conversation with an American tourist there.

"Ooo, WOW!" Oh yeah, it was awesome. I never had a conversation with any foreigners before so it was, a little awkward at first. I met this lady in her 50s at a bus at the Blue Mountains and it went like this...

Me: So, where are you from?

Her: (showed her tag) US, what about you?

Me: Malaysia, have you been there?

Her: No, but I've been to Singapore. They're close to each other right?

Me: Yeah, they're really close to each other.

(silence)(my parents interrupt)

Her: Are you still in school?

Me: Yeah

Her: In which grade?

Me: Umm, I'm in Form 5... umm(how hould I explain it, US have different kind of grading with Malaysia)              Ok, in Malaysia, there are 2 types of.... (bla, bla, bla)

Her: Oooh, so you're in the Senior year then. You know in US...(bla, bla, bla)

Me: Ooh..

And here comes the 'soalan cepumas'

Her: So, what are you planning to do after you finish school?

Me: Mmm, I'm planning to enter college.

Another 'soalan cepumas'!

Her: Yeah, of course. What do you decide to pursue?

Me: Mmm, (I don't know! but just blurted out..) Engineering.....or IT. (Haha, but I do have interest in IT             and a little in Engineering)

Her: Oh, that's nice. Those...

My father interrupted, "You didn't tell me that"

Me: (sengih, hehe, because I still didn't decide yet actually)

Sebenarnya panjang lagi tapi sampai situ je lah. She even asked me to where do I want to continue my study and etc.


I keep hearing this kind of question, it just bother me somehow. Even an Ameican stranger asked me that.

The main point here is, I'm still not sure of what I'm going to do. I just don't.

The main focus right now for me is to STUDY for SPM, then decide. I've a lot of time to think about it after SPM right. So, no worries.

So please, stop asking me that question. I'm no mad. I'm WARNING you all.

A Realization

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Wow, my hands have been itching to write a post, really. Why?

Because these few months have been ADVENTUROUS, HECTIC, full of SURPRISES and LESSONS and SUBHANALLAH, just BEAUTIFUL.

Allah's plans are always beautiful.

But somehow, because of the hecticness, it struck me into realization. Which brought me back to my senses. It feels like a punch from the back which slowly start to hurt me, like it is swelling but doesn't bleed, yet.

The'punch' urged me to look back. And that's when I realized...

I was going too fast, I left a lot of things behind.

I thought I was ahead of everyone. I thought I was doing the right thing. But I was too fast and too focused on chasing what's ahead, I didn't realize I missed something... IMPORTANT.
Way important than what's ahead.

Because of that realization, I stop whining for the 'swollen bruise' from the 'punch'. I'm GLAD I was punched.

So now, I'm trying to pick up what was left and missed. One by one. With senses.

It's hard but I've to pay the price.

And clear up my mind. Remind myself of what I'm really going for. And not following the nafs.

By the way, Ustaz Sabri blackmailed warned reminded me. And everyone else.

11 As for Sumative and SPM! 11A + to be exact.

We're doomed. Cause we are freaking IBS.

So, let's just enjoy the 'rain' while we can. Oooh, that moment. I missed it. By the way, the punch should be replaced with a hit from a hockey stick. Cause it hurts lot more.

Jatuh

Musim JATUH, untuk aku, untuk kita, untuk Malaysia dan untuk dunia mungkin.

Jatuh sakit 

Jatuh keputusan SPM

Jatuh keputusan peperiksaan 

Jatuh ke tempat kedua (Debat Zon Bangi)

Musim 'jatuh' (fall) di bahagian selatan 

Jatuh lantai mungkin

Jatuh waktu lari (musim sukan)

Jatuh malu

Jatuh cinta?

Hujan jatuh ke bumi

Kapal terbang jatuh

Jatuh hukuman

Jatuh syahid

Jatuh...

Ada yang sakit, ada yang tak

Ada yang tak dapat di'bangun'kan, 'dibangkit'kan semula. 

Namun, masih ada harapan untuk yang lain bukan. Jika jatuh, jangan lupa untuk bangun.

Jatuh bukan bermakna kegagalan.

Bukan.

Kenapa BM? Jatuh hati pada BM :)

Ingat 370 dan 529. Sampai bila-bila.