No Regrets

Have you ever hope that you could rewind the time so badly and did the right thing?

That's what I felt when I was in Form 1.

At that time, I moved  to Maahad Hamidiah after three months at SAMTTAJ. I don't know why, but I just move without telling my SAMTTAJ friends, at all.

And I felt really guilty about it.

Then, I reached Maahad, expecting to see Maziah, my best friend during primary school. Coincidently, I was put in the same class with her. I was really happy because everyone were strangers but her. The others did try to be friendly with me but still, I feel lonely.

Maziah seemed so excited too when she saw me. She helped me with everything. Unfortunately, I didn't get the hostel offer, YET. So, I became 'budak luar' for a few days.

I was alone. Completely alone, I felt like I wanna cry. But when I saw my mother, fetching me after school, my heart scream, "I'm out of here!". At home, I begged my mother that I wanna go back to SAMTTAJ but she refused. My father already paid the fee and she said that I'll get used to my new school someday.

Well, I don't have any choice but to stay at Maahad.

I really hated myself for moving to Maahad at that time.

Why did I decide to move? I really hated myself for taking that decision.

And there was this morning, I reached Maahad quite early. I sat in the class alone. I looked around the class 1 Abu Bakar and shut my eyes for a few minutes, hoping that all of these were just dreams. All of these will transform to my old class in SAMTTAJ.

Hoping that my old friends will surround me.

I opened my eyes.

Nothing change. It's still 1 Abu Bakar, not 1 Ikhlas that I hoped for.

I cried.

I cried to sleep. Then, I heard a knock. I woke up and it was my classmate. "Perhimpunan.."

"Oh, ok ", I answered, flustered. I dragged myself to the assembly feeling miserable.

But hey, it wasn't really that bad

Now, I'm already in Form 4 in Maahad. Form 1 was just immature times.

Alhamdulilah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulilah.

I've got a lot more friends, even best friends and I learned a lot here.

We can't stay put in one place right? This world is meant to be explored. (What I'm talking about? I don't know, it somehow doesn't make much sense though with my story)

I don't regret it at all.
But, yeah, sometimes I do wonder what if I didn't move in the first place?

What happened is the best one.

Well, we plan Allah decide.  Allah is the best planner after all. He don't give what we want but what we need.

So, that's all for now.

Unfortunately...