Don't Wither Away

Summer is almost here. I could see the flowers started to wither away, like my heart.

Bleh. This is Malaysia. Its pretty much spring the today then summer the next day, suddenly it rains in a drizzle like so adorable or rather too much like the roof is gonna be blown off, like its never gonna end. (Oh yes, KL was flooded few days ago)

And no, my heart is not withering like the flowers. My heart is fine, enduring A-Levels with all its might. My heart is like Malaysian weather these days. Unexpected but its doing fine, for now. Mostly heat, but well everyone have their bad days. (Its been raining these days, so, its gonna cool down)

Its almost holiday. 3 papers left!

They make us do 4 essays in 1 hour 30 minutes and next, its gonna be 6 essays in exactly the same period. Wow, CIE wow. Why you so kedekut with the time allocation.

I hate exams (who does?) and this is what A-levels is all about.

Lemme go off your clenches, quick. Before the storm blow me off, far off the shore. Right in the middle of nowhere, circled by sharks and all those unknown.

But of course I got Him, who will pull me to the shore, if only I try to find the right way and steer the ship with all my might. And so will I not only survive but also discover the island that was before, only in my dreams. Now, its in front of you. Nothing is indeed impossible eh?

28 Days of Lessons on Life

"Kau pergi mana sebenarnya?"

They kept asking me that.

"Kem MHi"

And most of them responded the same way.

"Apa tu? Malaysia Hari Ini. Haha"

I laughed along. 

"Madrasatul Hayah ikram. Kem sebulan for SPM leavers"

And the response this time are varied.

"Waah. Macam best je" 

"Ngajok!"

"Oh, ikram ye"

"Buat apa je kat sana?"

"Lamanyaaaa"

And much more. Well, the answer?

It's not a camp. Nope. It's a school.
School that teaches me about life. (Nama pun sekolah kehidupan. Nampak tak permainannya)

• D dan T 

Well MHi doesn't teach life as a whole but isnt tarbiyyah and da'wah (D&t) LIFE?

Before, I didn't take heed of D and T.

But here, I truly realized that, it's my mission. OUR mission.

During our street dakwah, I realized that there's a lot I need to learn. Really.

"I don't think Muhammad's advice is suitable to be practiced nowadays, in our modern age"

An Australian lady I approached mentioned it. I disagree but still, I couldn't give a solid answer to tackle that statement. I was pretty much disappointed with myself.
Which brings me to a conclusion that I need to truly understand and learn more about Islam and the current issues.

Street dakwah was absolutely an eye-opening experience.

And communicating skills, I need to sharpen it.

OUR MISSION, is on the move!

• Ukhuwah

Here, I met all sorts of people. The commited, the emotional, the rebellious (kinda), the funny one, the serious, the quirky, the immature, the quiet ones and much much more.

With the fact that we're from different schools with very different personalities, we could actually bond really well. Sampai basah lemas dihanyut deras ukhuwah.

Sampai basah muka kerana deras air mata. Air mata perpisahan.

And the Whatsapp group will always be filled with notifications. They won't stop.

 Until when? We'll see.

But what's important is in the heart, not in the social media itself.

• Skills

Cooking, sewing, self-defence, public speaking, debate, leadership, media, menari? Maybe.

Too many things were learned. Too much. Oh yes, we cook everything ourselves. We cooked for 100+ people. Yes, we did, EVERYDAY.

My group wasn't a good cook though, which includes me. 

And I didn't finish my public speaking. What a disappointment. Sabrina would be disappointed. 

• Special Little Things

Ice cream motor, came by almost every evening. And I, always hope that someone will treat me one. And they always do.

Syurga! 

P.O. Back to sunnah!

Makan dalam talam.

Help the flood victims in Perak.

And MHi 14/15 itself.

Thank you. Shukran. Arigato. Kamsahamida. Danke. Terima kasih. Alhamdulillah.

Berakhirlah suatu bab kehidupan. Ayuh buka lembar yang baru. :)

Superheroes Let Go

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Habis. Kholas. Finish. The end. SPM. 

Alhamdulillah. 

Thought that it would cheer me up, knowing that there are no strings on me anymore.

But nope. I was glad and relieved but, the feeling of cheerfulness? Nope, it wasn't there. Instead, the gloom invaded me in and out.

And you know why. 

Yes, there are no strings on me. But that also include Maahad. That one string that I refused to let go, as if the string is attached to a balloon filled with helium gas of memories.

 ( Metaphoric yg terlalu hiperbola )

If I let it go, that fragile balloon of memories will float up towards the sky, further and further until it looks like a little red dot. And disappears.

Or it explodes before your eyes with no mercy before it even reach the clouds. 

Its cruel. Yes, the world can be cruel. But only if you think like that.

have faith. There are more to life than you think it is. 

Past is past. They are meant to be learnt from, not to be kept. 

Cause if you keep it to your heart for too long, you'll never be ready for what's ahead. Let it go. 

Future IS scary. But that's what you're living for, fighting for.

In fact, there are still strings on me and you. A lot more. Past is beautiful but hey, you're not living in it anymore. 

The world needs us. No time to gape. No time to throwback. No time to waste. We are the SUPERHEROES the world have been waiting for.

Stop hiding behind those masks of pretentiousness and glamor. 

Start the fight. By using your weapons of wisdom and courage.

"Die trying or stay alive for a hundred yours with no purpose"

We won't probably have the cool suit like Batman. And probably not as famous as Ironman.

But to Allah, we'll absolutely be way cooler than Batman. And imagine having our names mentioned among the Creatures in the sky, now that's cool.

So now, can you feel the excitement of being the SUPERHEROES?

A Dramatic Week, Duh.

Assalamualaikum

I just listened to The Piano Guys' Begin Again.

And it somehow made me ponder. Made me think that, I can begin again.

I SHOULD begin again.

Begin what?

Everything.
Especially on this blessed month of Ramadhan, yes, let's begin...again.

Yeah, it's kinda weird that a song from Taylor Swift that actually motivates me to start all over again, this Ramadhan.

But who cares, my kind of new chapter doesn't have anything to do with the song's lyrics though. Except for the "...begin again". Haha.

And remember, I was reminded by TPG's Begin Again cover, not the Taylor Swift's one.

Curious about The Piano Guys? Check them out at Youtube.

And oh yes, I also heard 'Human' by Christina Perri.

"You just knew that song? That song is ancient!"

Ok, I heard like months ago but I had no idea about the lyrics but the song sounds fancy(?) to me. (I don't think 'fancy' is an appropriate word for such song)

Then, I just recently saw the lyrics and...

I realized that this song is quite deep somehow, a bit different than other songs these days. Simply my forte. Christina Perri, you nailed it once again!

"But I'm only human, I bleed when I fall down"

We're not perfect, no matter how much we try because "we're only human". But still we need to do our best towards perfection, right matey?


Haha. I talked a lot about songs this time cause, I had a week filled with TSUNAMI wave of emotions. I don't even have much appetite at all.

When I was happy, I became a bit too cheeky, goofy and a little crazy somehow.

Then, when I was sad, I slept or cried at the toilet. Cried before I sleep because I couldn't fall asleep. Cried thinking of every little things. I don't think I ever cry this much in my teenagehood (?).

Hmm, when I'm mad and depressed, I just stay quiet, just nodding to every word people say or else I'll explode. Crumpling lots of papers, (totally not good for the environment) or just quickly leave the crowd and...cry.

I rarely cry. Really. And I usually eat a lot. But I wasn't last week. It all happened in a week. maybe two.

I don't know what was wrong. Maybe because of my exam results. Maybe because it was my birthday. Maybe because I didn't win the race. Maybe because my Add Maths teacher is leaving. Maybe... I was too far from remembering Allah, I lost control and became weak.

Or all of the above.

Don't worry I'm doing just fine now. No worries. You know teenage girls and feels. Duh.

(tapi serius, birthday tahun ni memang hambar)

By the way, Ramadhan Al-Mubarak! Wassalam alaik.

A Realization

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Wow, my hands have been itching to write a post, really. Why?

Because these few months have been ADVENTUROUS, HECTIC, full of SURPRISES and LESSONS and SUBHANALLAH, just BEAUTIFUL.

Allah's plans are always beautiful.

But somehow, because of the hecticness, it struck me into realization. Which brought me back to my senses. It feels like a punch from the back which slowly start to hurt me, like it is swelling but doesn't bleed, yet.

The'punch' urged me to look back. And that's when I realized...

I was going too fast, I left a lot of things behind.

I thought I was ahead of everyone. I thought I was doing the right thing. But I was too fast and too focused on chasing what's ahead, I didn't realize I missed something... IMPORTANT.
Way important than what's ahead.

Because of that realization, I stop whining for the 'swollen bruise' from the 'punch'. I'm GLAD I was punched.

So now, I'm trying to pick up what was left and missed. One by one. With senses.

It's hard but I've to pay the price.

And clear up my mind. Remind myself of what I'm really going for. And not following the nafs.

By the way, Ustaz Sabri blackmailed warned reminded me. And everyone else.

11 As for Sumative and SPM! 11A + to be exact.

We're doomed. Cause we are freaking IBS.

So, let's just enjoy the 'rain' while we can. Oooh, that moment. I missed it. By the way, the punch should be replaced with a hit from a hockey stick. Cause it hurts lot more.

Jatuh

Musim JATUH, untuk aku, untuk kita, untuk Malaysia dan untuk dunia mungkin.

Jatuh sakit 

Jatuh keputusan SPM

Jatuh keputusan peperiksaan 

Jatuh ke tempat kedua (Debat Zon Bangi)

Musim 'jatuh' (fall) di bahagian selatan 

Jatuh lantai mungkin

Jatuh waktu lari (musim sukan)

Jatuh malu

Jatuh cinta?

Hujan jatuh ke bumi

Kapal terbang jatuh

Jatuh hukuman

Jatuh syahid

Jatuh...

Ada yang sakit, ada yang tak

Ada yang tak dapat di'bangun'kan, 'dibangkit'kan semula. 

Namun, masih ada harapan untuk yang lain bukan. Jika jatuh, jangan lupa untuk bangun.

Jatuh bukan bermakna kegagalan.

Bukan.

Kenapa BM? Jatuh hati pada BM :)

Ingat 370 dan 529. Sampai bila-bila.

2014, Everything is Just About to Begin

Epic kan tajuk dia?

Okay, abaikan...

Assalamualaikum, peace be upon you. It's 2014. And it's SPM for me this year! I'm still trying to swallow the truth...

"SPM, penentu hala tuju kehidupanmu"

So, I have to work harder than I did before. This is no more child's play.

New year; last year in Maahad, last year in school!

New class;  I'm still in the type of class where boys are still in the endangered species category. And for the first time (ever!) in school life, I sit at the most front in class. Ok, not really the most front. The most front among the girls, but just behind the guys. Awkward~

New azam; let's just keep it to myself. My 'azam' is boring, really.

New friends; not really new, because I already know most of them. But, closer! Yang jauh didekatkan, yang dekat dieratkan! Ceh!

New CHALLENGES; SPM, of course. But it's not just about that. Well, I'm going to a new phase of life. Not the real life yet but still, let's challenge ourselves, or else we can't cope with the world out there.

Something tells me it's gonna be an interesting year~ I hope it is!

Last year in school, last year in Bumi Ulama', last year to be childish!
I need to grow up, prepare before the reality hit my face hard. My life is just about to begin. OUR life is just about to begin guys! Prepare for the REAL world.

May Allah guides and ease my way...

Superb Gathering!

Alhamdulillah~

After 3 painful weeks of EXAM!

2 weeks of works and boredom!

...I finally can release my pressure and do something fun

...in 4 IBS class gathering

...at Sunway Pyramid!

First, we went for skating. Already used to it, but this time I got a lot of 'students' to help and teach.

Lot more falls. Haha. 

Careful! IBS troops ready!

Then, we went for Laser Tag. It's like a paintball but a modern one. Not painful and you won't 'die'. This was really fun. Really! Try it! We went for Girls against Boys.

Still wondering who won though...

Gosh! We were so hungry. So, we makan-makan at Pizza Hut. 

Thanks everyone for coming and made my day filled with fun and laugh. Hope we can meet again and have a lot more fun!

*Credits to my brother, Afiq for being the photographer.

Invisible...

That's what I feel..

...almost everytime at school.


Well, I didn't cry... yet. But... there are times I almost.

...because I feel like I'm not there.

It feels like nobody realizes me even when I'm trying to say something. Or said something.

Nobody notices that I'm there. Or WAS there.

I've been trying to show myself to....everyone but I'm just a no one.

Invisible I am.

Even 'you' didn't realize me. 'You' seem to start to distant yourself from me. I feel like there's a wall you build between us. I probably shouldn't call 'you' 'best' friend in the first place, right?

It hurts. Sometimes I pretend  that I'm sick or exaggerate to get 'your' attention but, you didn't seem to care.

 I wanna tell stories and my feelings but...it seems like they're not interested to it, including 'you'. I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I'm being boring. I'm sorry that I tell you a lame story. It's boring, eh?

But 'you' laughed, or at least smile when you listen to other person's story. Or responded...

..but mine, you didn't much...I must be a boring friend. She's way funnier than me.They're way funnier.
I'm sorry.

If you're sad, come to me. But I think you already have a better person to tell your worries to. She's way nicer than me.........
... I'm sorry if I'm not there when you're depressed, when you're sad. I'm REALLY sorry.

If only 'you' read this. If only, 'you' read this, how would you react? Well, I don't think 'you' would read this, ever.

And would they read it and care? I don't know.

Invisible...alone...sad....and then a fake smile, I'm tired of it.

But I'm still not crying because I still have my family. Kazoku. ^.^

And I still have Him, Allah. He's always be there...<3 br="" nbsp="">

Happy Nuzul Qur'an by the way! Wassalam

Allah...

I just had a bad week, last week.

1. I've been anticipating for MUSLEH competition next week since the holiday! BUT, my hopes were crushed and crumpled. We couldn't participate it because of some reasons. School stuff.
2. And then at the same day, I got my Physics paper which we've been waiting for so long to get and..... it's really hard to smile after that. It was TERRIBLE! My friend tried to cheer me up and yeah, I forced myself to smile (and I kept singing Bad Day)
3. Also, in that week, I felt ignored by my friends. I don't know whether it's just me being too sensitive OR they really do ignore me.

Which reminded me of my old friends, already-move-to-other-school friends and my FAMILY.

I really want to call my mother badly but.... I'm afraid I'll cry and don't really know what to say. (I don't want her to find out my Physics just yet)

And next week, I, oops, I mean WE have to take over the school's reign from the Form 5s. And i have to prepare myself and brace my self for the job.

It was a bad week with the fact that my birthday was just around the corner (22nd June, Sat)

I almost cried because all of this, BUT then I tell myself, "Why should I cry? This is nothing!"

Allah is probably trying to test me right now.

I also realized that I always forget Him.


Selangkah ku pergi dari Mu, selangkah Kau dekat padaku.

Selangkah ku padaMu, seribu langkah kau pada ku.

Malunya aku...

Experiences...

Masha-Allah...


It's HOLIDAY! Haha, at last!

How long have it been?
2 months I guess, leaving this blog un-updated.

While my life is actually updated a lot.

IDC...

...exams (the result was freaking 'awesome', I wanna puke)

.... played hockey 4 school! (I'm new to it and it's fun and awesome~)

....judging at KDU (a whole new experience! Got to know a lot of people..)

...vacation with friends at Penang

... and currently, English drama in district level.

That's a lot for the first months. But now, I'm in a dilemma.

Our debate trainer, Brother Fakhry offered me and the others to participate in a Debate Open where Ill be teamed up with him. I really want to join it! But I have to pay quite a lot for it. But my parents don't really care about the fee, so...I'll think I'll participate the debate..

TAPI....

I'm also participating in the English drama. They didn't clash with each other but...they'll be held very close to each other. So, should I let go of this drama competition? Or, just try to cope with two competitions? OR, let go of the debate competition? No no no..

So, what do you think?

2013 Kickstart

Assalamulaikum! It's been about 2 weeks of 2013. Wow, so fast yeah! And I'm already in my Form 4. You know what, although SPM is still like far away but I can feel the tense, the pressure already. Well, form 4 is the time when you'll start to get busy. No matter what. Unless if you're some kind of ignorant or just don't want to get involved with even a slight stuff.

 And the teachers are, okay je. BUT! There's one problem. Most of the teachers would probably teach us halfway. Why? Because some of them are retiring. Some will continue their studies at the universities and few will soon have babies!

 Why!? Why now!? Why us? Well, we can't stop them, do we? They have their life!

  I have to focus this year. No play-play! There's no such thing as honeymoon year. Even if there's one, it happenes after you get married.

By the way, I got another nephew called Ilyas! Two nephews in a year. Wow! Congrats Kak Izzah!

A Vacation!

 Almost every year, after PMR, form 3 students will have a visit to any places like Malacca, Langkawi or anywhere else as a vacation. And this year, I, or we had a visit to JB a few days ago.

Yeah, JB is Johor Bharu and I think our vacation is a bit special because we went to.....

LEGOLAND!

Haha, I never thought my school will held a vacation to a theme park. But it already happened anyway.

And as usual, let the pictures tell the story!

The bus that will bring us all

The bus

My busmate

At IKRAM Johor

Ceramah  by Prof. (ye? Ke ustaz?) Hishamudin.

At Danga Bay funfair

Our stuff, I mean, their stuff

Soleha and me~

Our proud school bus!

The place we were staying in

Finally, we reached the main destination

Every body say "LEGOLAND!"

A roller coaster stuck halfway. Scary!

What're you looking at?

The cute, well-built Miniland

1Malaysia! Oh yeah!

Looks real eh?

'I'm about to destroy the Minitanic! Haha! But I can't reach it."

A mini mini-market, huhu

And that's all that is, Wassalam~