Tenang

Serabut. Satu persatu mesej di dalam grup Whatsapp yang berjela itu ku baca.

Makin serabut.

Aku cuba memecahkan suasana yang genting itu dengan memberi pandangan dan pendapatku. Tiba-tiba, satu mesej private masuk.

Aku membuka dan membacanya berulang kali lalu terdiam. Aku memang sedang berdiam, mulutku tidak mengeluar bicara apapun dari tadi tetapi apa yang dimaksudkan ialah mindaku, yang sedang serabut dan rancak mencari solusi itu secara drastik bertukar kaku dan berdiam diri.

Aku membalas maaf dan maaf. Tapi dibalas pula dengan teguran yang sememangnya merobek emosi.

Kini, emosi pula yang serabut. Memang sepatutnya aku tidak masuk campur kerana aku tidak merasakan apa yang mereka rasakan. Kerana aku tidak faham.

Kerana aku tidak menjadi saksi.

Kerana aku tiada di situ.Tika sepatutnya aku ada.

Bukan kerana aku tidak mahu. Bukan kerana aku lari malah aku berkobar-kobar untuk bersama kalian.

Tapi Allah lebih tahu. Bukan rezeki aku. Abahku sayang untuk melepaskan sejauh itu. Tak, aku tak mengatakan bahawa abah-abahmu tidak menyayangi kalian. Malah, mungkin mereka percaya akan kalian untuk menjaga diri, bergerak sejauh itu demi sahabat yang baru kenalnya sebulan.

Aku renung kembali mesej itu. Air mataku tiba-tiba mengalir. Tanpa henti. Sudah lama ku tidak merasa begini.

Tak. Sahabat yang menegur itu tidak salah. Sememangnya aku yang bersalah untuk masuk campur tanpa aku ketahui apa sebenarnya yang terjadi.

Aku terus berdiam diri sejak itu.

Pelbagai grup Whatsapp telah aku left. Bukan merajuk tapi ingin menenangkan diri dari rasa cemburu dan imarah.

Ah mana tak cemburu melihat gambar kalian bergembira bersama berukhuwwah. Aku akui, cemburu itu membuak-buak membinasa diri.

Imarah itu pastinya ada terhadap individu tertentu tapi, kerana itu aku 'lari'. Kerana itu aku left. Kerana itu aku tiak berkata sepatah pun selepas itu. Takut api imarah itu membakar diri dan orang lain, memusnahkan hati-hati sahabat yang tidak bersalah.

Aku juga takut. Kerana aku takut sekali kalian benci pada aku terutama sekali engkau. Kerana apa? Kerana aku seperti mencampakkan tanggungjawabku ke tepi. Kepada engkau.

Kerana itu aku berdiam diri seketika. I was trying to make sense of everything.

Aku memohon maaf. Aku meminta maaf kalian. Walaupun sudah berlalu tapi aku takut masih ada dendam kesumat yang tersimpan terhadapku. Bukan hanya kerana kejadian itu, tapi juga untuk setiap saat antara kita.

Si engkau pun tiada dendam padaku walaupun selama ini aku hampir mengalami depresi kerana memikirkan salahku pada engkau. Bilaku memberanikan diri untuk akhirnya bertanya apakah engkau marah, kau menafikannya malah tergelak tawa saat kita bertemu pertama kali semenjak itu.

Aku menarik nafas tenang.

Kerana kemaafan engkau dan rahmatNya, aku kini tenang.

Dan sebenarnya, aku berharap sekali, tiada antara kalian terutama sekali engkau membaca luahan ku ini, kerana apa yang terjadi sudah pun terjadi dan aku malu.

Aku malu sekali.

Tapi, ku luahkan jua kerana sudah begitu lama ia terbuku antara aku dan Tuhan.

Just One of the Most Boring Moment Sabrina

 "Petaling. Petaling. Awasi langkah anda. Please mind your step." *along with the absolutely, painfully familiar,cheery background sound*

And the exact same phrase repeated every time the train stopped. I looked over my watch and unconciously shaking my legs, like they always do, whenever I'm turning impatient.

Sarah and Mawad has reached their destination long ago. Long before I exchanged trains at the KL Sentral. In fact, they never been in THIS one, this train I was boarding at that moment. I looked around, there were only unfamiliar, emotionless faces. Well, at least their faces are more interesting to looked at than the sight outside.

It's not like I didn't appreciate the scenery, but I've passed through these cities for countless times. You can't expect me to enjoy the same concrete scenery all over again.

There were some seniors whom I met at the program this morning, just beside me. Chatting random things that I've no interest in. They weren't ignoring me. It's just that I don't feel the need and desire to barge in and join the circle. More precisely, I don't really like to socialize. I rather isolate myself with a book or my phone, or simply doing nothing and daydream.

I'm not anti-social. I can talk when I need to, but I don't like socializing. I don't like talking at the cellphone. I don't like meeting strangers. And I hate noises, crowds and gossips. I rather do what I'm doing right now. Writing.

Yup. I'm freaking introvert.

But, my 'job' right now force me to overcome all of the things that I hated. Socialize, talking at the cellphone, meeting strangers and yeah, noises and crowds. So now, I'm a trained extrovert. Pretty much like that. Hah.

Back to the train.

I brought The Other Side of The Coin book; but I was tired that I don't feel like reading.
My Blackberry is going out of battery; better keep it for calling purposes.
I want to sleep so badly; but it was absolutely not comfortable for me to lean my head.

Thus, I was still wide awake, and pretty much 'enjoying' the scenery outside. And boredom started to creep in.

 "Seri Setia. Seri Setia. Awasi langkah anda. Please mind your step"

Thoughts and curiosity kicks in;

I wonder who's the woman who voices these phrases.

Is it her job? How much do they pay her then? And then the background sound? Do they rip it off from the internet? Or bought it? Or do they specially made the soundtrack for the KTM? Then how much do they pay for it? But seriously, they pay for such thing? 

The back ground sound, it consists of keyboard, drum and what else? Do they compose it to what the KTM Berhad wants or they just had some kind of unused rhymes or rhymes made if-anyone-is interested-to-buy somewhere in their folders, and they thought, "This sounds ok for, the train". Maybe the KTM Berhad buys it anyway and finally it got here together with the "Shah Alam, Shah Alam. Awasi langkah anda. Please mind your step."

Oh I've reached my destination. Ok then.

Hey Sabrina! - I Went to Cambodia

 Hi there Sabrina.


So, you heard about it. I went to Cambodia. With my new friends whom I knew from MHi. In case you don't have any idea about MHi, do scroll down to the previous post, if you're in absolute curiosity about what MHi is all about.

You've read it? Nice. Or you didn't?

Doesn't matter anyway. You're busy by the way. Kinda.

Ok. So. Sabrina, we went there on the 14th of January and stayed there for about 9 days. We stayed in a village called Kampung Keh. It was that short. Keh. Sounds like a sigh you made when you're fed up with this world!

Ok, ignore that. I know it doesn't sound like a sigh. Keh. Nah. No way. Just forget the fact that I've ever mention that.

No, no fancy hotels. We just stayed in wooden houses which are not that bad actually. It's so-village-like I don't know how to describe it. Maybe museum-like. Like it's wooden but it's fancy. Yeah.

The house I stayed. So village-like right?

Sabrina, living in the village was like living in Malaysia in the 60's. For my foster family, they still use coals and firewood instead of stove to cook. Seeing my foster mother going through hasty process just to cook made me feel guilty. Just imagine cooking two times a day, everyday with coals.

The 'stove'

Like come on, I got stove at my home and I still find myself reluctant to cook.

And she didn't cook simple dishes you know. They were marvelous, her dishes. I thought we might undergo some diet here. But no. They served like five choices of dishes per meal. Each and everyone of them tasted like heaven. I ended up came back to Malaysia fatter.

And yes for water supply. Instead of SYABAS (which is not around here, obviously
) we had wells. We also had proper toilet like we do in Malaysia, don't worry.

Here, it's not recommended for you to be out after 8, especially the ladies. Because it gets really dark here at night. Electricity? Yes, they do have electricity. But, only in their homes. And only a few bulbs. Torch lights are really needed at night or you won't see a thing. it was like the whole village is having a blackout.

Sabrina. Sleeping here was not as comfy as sleeping on your bed. Not at all. We slept on mats and below our houses were cows. Yes, cows but they didn't smell. Thank God. Alhamdulillah.

The main concern was the coldness, the breeze at night made us shiver every night although we didn't switch on the fan at all. Luckily we had blankets but they didn't help much. Really.

So what did we do there?

We cycled the treacherous roads around the village, we went to beach, we had a dip at the river, we ate free ice creams, we had Cambodian cool blog, we taught the Cambodian kids, we learned Cambodian language, we went to a creepy museum with really dark past, we ride all sorts of transportation in Cambodia, we chased chicks (literally chicks, the children to chicken), we peeled bags and bags of garlic, we visited the unfortunate, we took lots of selfies, we played with the Cambodian kids, cleaned the schoolss, we did a performance, we did a lot.

That creepy museum I'm talking about

Pinky cyclist. Come on, its the IBS shirt

The kids at my house

It took quite an effort to clean the whiteboard

There. The only girls.

I had a lot of fun. So Sabrina, I also hope you are having fun there. May your dreams come true ~ (Aahh, cheesy ending)

I don't know how many times your name were written Sabrina, but I will do as promised, inshaAllah. I told you writing needs the right time.

Yes, I miss you Sabrina. Duh.

28 Days of Lessons on Life

"Kau pergi mana sebenarnya?"

They kept asking me that.

"Kem MHi"

And most of them responded the same way.

"Apa tu? Malaysia Hari Ini. Haha"

I laughed along. 

"Madrasatul Hayah ikram. Kem sebulan for SPM leavers"

And the response this time are varied.

"Waah. Macam best je" 

"Ngajok!"

"Oh, ikram ye"

"Buat apa je kat sana?"

"Lamanyaaaa"

And much more. Well, the answer?

It's not a camp. Nope. It's a school.
School that teaches me about life. (Nama pun sekolah kehidupan. Nampak tak permainannya)

• D dan T 

Well MHi doesn't teach life as a whole but isnt tarbiyyah and da'wah (D&t) LIFE?

Before, I didn't take heed of D and T.

But here, I truly realized that, it's my mission. OUR mission.

During our street dakwah, I realized that there's a lot I need to learn. Really.

"I don't think Muhammad's advice is suitable to be practiced nowadays, in our modern age"

An Australian lady I approached mentioned it. I disagree but still, I couldn't give a solid answer to tackle that statement. I was pretty much disappointed with myself.
Which brings me to a conclusion that I need to truly understand and learn more about Islam and the current issues.

Street dakwah was absolutely an eye-opening experience.

And communicating skills, I need to sharpen it.

OUR MISSION, is on the move!

• Ukhuwah

Here, I met all sorts of people. The commited, the emotional, the rebellious (kinda), the funny one, the serious, the quirky, the immature, the quiet ones and much much more.

With the fact that we're from different schools with very different personalities, we could actually bond really well. Sampai basah lemas dihanyut deras ukhuwah.

Sampai basah muka kerana deras air mata. Air mata perpisahan.

And the Whatsapp group will always be filled with notifications. They won't stop.

 Until when? We'll see.

But what's important is in the heart, not in the social media itself.

• Skills

Cooking, sewing, self-defence, public speaking, debate, leadership, media, menari? Maybe.

Too many things were learned. Too much. Oh yes, we cook everything ourselves. We cooked for 100+ people. Yes, we did, EVERYDAY.

My group wasn't a good cook though, which includes me. 

And I didn't finish my public speaking. What a disappointment. Sabrina would be disappointed. 

• Special Little Things

Ice cream motor, came by almost every evening. And I, always hope that someone will treat me one. And they always do.

Syurga! 

P.O. Back to sunnah!

Makan dalam talam.

Help the flood victims in Perak.

And MHi 14/15 itself.

Thank you. Shukran. Arigato. Kamsahamida. Danke. Terima kasih. Alhamdulillah.

Berakhirlah suatu bab kehidupan. Ayuh buka lembar yang baru. :)

Superheroes Let Go

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Habis. Kholas. Finish. The end. SPM. 

Alhamdulillah. 

Thought that it would cheer me up, knowing that there are no strings on me anymore.

But nope. I was glad and relieved but, the feeling of cheerfulness? Nope, it wasn't there. Instead, the gloom invaded me in and out.

And you know why. 

Yes, there are no strings on me. But that also include Maahad. That one string that I refused to let go, as if the string is attached to a balloon filled with helium gas of memories.

 ( Metaphoric yg terlalu hiperbola )

If I let it go, that fragile balloon of memories will float up towards the sky, further and further until it looks like a little red dot. And disappears.

Or it explodes before your eyes with no mercy before it even reach the clouds. 

Its cruel. Yes, the world can be cruel. But only if you think like that.

have faith. There are more to life than you think it is. 

Past is past. They are meant to be learnt from, not to be kept. 

Cause if you keep it to your heart for too long, you'll never be ready for what's ahead. Let it go. 

Future IS scary. But that's what you're living for, fighting for.

In fact, there are still strings on me and you. A lot more. Past is beautiful but hey, you're not living in it anymore. 

The world needs us. No time to gape. No time to throwback. No time to waste. We are the SUPERHEROES the world have been waiting for.

Stop hiding behind those masks of pretentiousness and glamor. 

Start the fight. By using your weapons of wisdom and courage.

"Die trying or stay alive for a hundred yours with no purpose"

We won't probably have the cool suit like Batman. And probably not as famous as Ironman.

But to Allah, we'll absolutely be way cooler than Batman. And imagine having our names mentioned among the Creatures in the sky, now that's cool.

So now, can you feel the excitement of being the SUPERHEROES?

10 years from now...

If Allah wills,

I will be 27

I would be a little taller

Can drive my own car. Yes, I would have my own car, but not the one I dreamed of. Because at that age, my dreams wasn't really my priority.

At that age I need to prioritize my job, and my family's needs.

I would also be working as an assistant property dealer and also helping to realize my sister's dream school in any way I could.

I also would be working out to open a business with my friends.

Going to programs and talks that I've always wanted to go.

And having lots and lots of invitations to weddings (lol).

Well, that's the idealistic ones. 

The other possibility is more realistic.

10 years from now,

I would be far away from all of you,

Even if you're in US, Africa or still in Malaysia

I'm still far away from all of you

But you know where to find me

I might be deep beneath the surface of the earth, marked with stones that were carved with my name and the date I breathed my last.

The people who came to visit would smile instead of weeping

And hopefully, I would also be smiling my brightest and the happiest of them all.

You know what I mean.

...if Allah wills


 For death is certain.

"The Best of All"

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

"Describe your Ramadhan"

This is it:

"Aku nak berangkat ni."

"Jap". Ku peluk erat sahabat lama ku itu.

'Eh, tak pernah-pernah peluk aku."

"Tahun ni, aku belajar macam-macam dari kau. Serius weh!"

Dia tersenyum. "Bukan aku aku yang ajar kau. Allah. Aku just dihantar ke sini untuk peringatkan korang je".

Namun, ku masih memegang erat tangannya. Berharap agar dia dapat tinggal lebih lama lagi.

"Dahlah. Syawal nak datang tu. Kau lepas ni jangan nakal-nakal bila aku dah takde ni."

Ku lepaskan tangannya. Perlahan-lahan, dia makin menjauh dariku. Yang ada di depan mata ku, "Wal. Ahlan.":)

Ku berbisik kepada diri, 'Moga aku kuat'.


*jujur dari hati yang tulus murni. Eceh.

Setakat ini, Ramadhan kali ini yang paling mendidik dan yang paling indah. Serius. May Allah bless.

And have a blast Eid everyone!

Truth is...

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Dear Reader,

Whoever you are, if you turn out to know me in real life, please

Tell me if I did something really wrong

Instead of ignoring me

But silently punishing me by the mistakes I've done

Please...

Don't try to avoid me just because you don't to want be involved with a person like me

Who've done a mistake that you never tell I did

I'm just a normal human being, like you

Weak, like what's written in the Quran

In the Surah An-Nisa'

That's why my brothers and sisters

He created you and me

To support each other

So we won't go astray

You guide me and I'll guide you

In the best way, Muhammad S.A.W.'s way

But hey...

I can accept a direct critic right on my face

Though it might hurt a bit

Not a bit, a lot

Let it be, let me be

Let me feel the sensation of pain that I haven't feel for quite some time

Because with pain, I'll truly realize

Who I really am all this time

TRUTH hurts but hey, it is way better than LIES

A Dramatic Week, Duh.

Assalamualaikum

I just listened to The Piano Guys' Begin Again.

And it somehow made me ponder. Made me think that, I can begin again.

I SHOULD begin again.

Begin what?

Everything.
Especially on this blessed month of Ramadhan, yes, let's begin...again.

Yeah, it's kinda weird that a song from Taylor Swift that actually motivates me to start all over again, this Ramadhan.

But who cares, my kind of new chapter doesn't have anything to do with the song's lyrics though. Except for the "...begin again". Haha.

And remember, I was reminded by TPG's Begin Again cover, not the Taylor Swift's one.

Curious about The Piano Guys? Check them out at Youtube.

And oh yes, I also heard 'Human' by Christina Perri.

"You just knew that song? That song is ancient!"

Ok, I heard like months ago but I had no idea about the lyrics but the song sounds fancy(?) to me. (I don't think 'fancy' is an appropriate word for such song)

Then, I just recently saw the lyrics and...

I realized that this song is quite deep somehow, a bit different than other songs these days. Simply my forte. Christina Perri, you nailed it once again!

"But I'm only human, I bleed when I fall down"

We're not perfect, no matter how much we try because "we're only human". But still we need to do our best towards perfection, right matey?


Haha. I talked a lot about songs this time cause, I had a week filled with TSUNAMI wave of emotions. I don't even have much appetite at all.

When I was happy, I became a bit too cheeky, goofy and a little crazy somehow.

Then, when I was sad, I slept or cried at the toilet. Cried before I sleep because I couldn't fall asleep. Cried thinking of every little things. I don't think I ever cry this much in my teenagehood (?).

Hmm, when I'm mad and depressed, I just stay quiet, just nodding to every word people say or else I'll explode. Crumpling lots of papers, (totally not good for the environment) or just quickly leave the crowd and...cry.

I rarely cry. Really. And I usually eat a lot. But I wasn't last week. It all happened in a week. maybe two.

I don't know what was wrong. Maybe because of my exam results. Maybe because it was my birthday. Maybe because I didn't win the race. Maybe because my Add Maths teacher is leaving. Maybe... I was too far from remembering Allah, I lost control and became weak.

Or all of the above.

Don't worry I'm doing just fine now. No worries. You know teenage girls and feels. Duh.

(tapi serius, birthday tahun ni memang hambar)

By the way, Ramadhan Al-Mubarak! Wassalam alaik.

What to Pursue? Stop Asking Me That!

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Assalamualaikum, and yeay! I'm writing again. I don't know why, but I just feel excited to write (although no one read my blog). You know how it feels when there's an idea or issues struck into your brain and the effectors send the impulses to the finger to elaborate them here, in my blog.

It's wonderful.

So, last week I went to Aussie. And yeah, it was fun and gave me a whole new experience because I never went to developed country like Aussie before. 

Wait, is Aussie a developed country? Not sure bout that, I think so. It's a First World country, so basically, it's a developed country, ahah!

Never mind. However, I'm not going to talk about the places we went to or something like that. 

It's just that I had a conversation with an American tourist there.

"Ooo, WOW!" Oh yeah, it was awesome. I never had a conversation with any foreigners before so it was, a little awkward at first. I met this lady in her 50s at a bus at the Blue Mountains and it went like this...

Me: So, where are you from?

Her: (showed her tag) US, what about you?

Me: Malaysia, have you been there?

Her: No, but I've been to Singapore. They're close to each other right?

Me: Yeah, they're really close to each other.

(silence)(my parents interrupt)

Her: Are you still in school?

Me: Yeah

Her: In which grade?

Me: Umm, I'm in Form 5... umm(how hould I explain it, US have different kind of grading with Malaysia)              Ok, in Malaysia, there are 2 types of.... (bla, bla, bla)

Her: Oooh, so you're in the Senior year then. You know in US...(bla, bla, bla)

Me: Ooh..

And here comes the 'soalan cepumas'

Her: So, what are you planning to do after you finish school?

Me: Mmm, I'm planning to enter college.

Another 'soalan cepumas'!

Her: Yeah, of course. What do you decide to pursue?

Me: Mmm, (I don't know! but just blurted out..) Engineering.....or IT. (Haha, but I do have interest in IT             and a little in Engineering)

Her: Oh, that's nice. Those...

My father interrupted, "You didn't tell me that"

Me: (sengih, hehe, because I still didn't decide yet actually)

Sebenarnya panjang lagi tapi sampai situ je lah. She even asked me to where do I want to continue my study and etc.


I keep hearing this kind of question, it just bother me somehow. Even an Ameican stranger asked me that.

The main point here is, I'm still not sure of what I'm going to do. I just don't.

The main focus right now for me is to STUDY for SPM, then decide. I've a lot of time to think about it after SPM right. So, no worries.

So please, stop asking me that question. I'm no mad. I'm WARNING you all.

Jatuh

Musim JATUH, untuk aku, untuk kita, untuk Malaysia dan untuk dunia mungkin.

Jatuh sakit 

Jatuh keputusan SPM

Jatuh keputusan peperiksaan 

Jatuh ke tempat kedua (Debat Zon Bangi)

Musim 'jatuh' (fall) di bahagian selatan 

Jatuh lantai mungkin

Jatuh waktu lari (musim sukan)

Jatuh malu

Jatuh cinta?

Hujan jatuh ke bumi

Kapal terbang jatuh

Jatuh hukuman

Jatuh syahid

Jatuh...

Ada yang sakit, ada yang tak

Ada yang tak dapat di'bangun'kan, 'dibangkit'kan semula. 

Namun, masih ada harapan untuk yang lain bukan. Jika jatuh, jangan lupa untuk bangun.

Jatuh bukan bermakna kegagalan.

Bukan.

Kenapa BM? Jatuh hati pada BM :)

Ingat 370 dan 529. Sampai bila-bila.

No Regrets

Have you ever hope that you could rewind the time so badly and did the right thing?

That's what I felt when I was in Form 1.

At that time, I moved  to Maahad Hamidiah after three months at SAMTTAJ. I don't know why, but I just move without telling my SAMTTAJ friends, at all.

And I felt really guilty about it.

Then, I reached Maahad, expecting to see Maziah, my best friend during primary school. Coincidently, I was put in the same class with her. I was really happy because everyone were strangers but her. The others did try to be friendly with me but still, I feel lonely.

Maziah seemed so excited too when she saw me. She helped me with everything. Unfortunately, I didn't get the hostel offer, YET. So, I became 'budak luar' for a few days.

I was alone. Completely alone, I felt like I wanna cry. But when I saw my mother, fetching me after school, my heart scream, "I'm out of here!". At home, I begged my mother that I wanna go back to SAMTTAJ but she refused. My father already paid the fee and she said that I'll get used to my new school someday.

Well, I don't have any choice but to stay at Maahad.

I really hated myself for moving to Maahad at that time.

Why did I decide to move? I really hated myself for taking that decision.

And there was this morning, I reached Maahad quite early. I sat in the class alone. I looked around the class 1 Abu Bakar and shut my eyes for a few minutes, hoping that all of these were just dreams. All of these will transform to my old class in SAMTTAJ.

Hoping that my old friends will surround me.

I opened my eyes.

Nothing change. It's still 1 Abu Bakar, not 1 Ikhlas that I hoped for.

I cried.

I cried to sleep. Then, I heard a knock. I woke up and it was my classmate. "Perhimpunan.."

"Oh, ok ", I answered, flustered. I dragged myself to the assembly feeling miserable.

But hey, it wasn't really that bad

Now, I'm already in Form 4 in Maahad. Form 1 was just immature times.

Alhamdulilah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulilah.

I've got a lot more friends, even best friends and I learned a lot here.

We can't stay put in one place right? This world is meant to be explored. (What I'm talking about? I don't know, it somehow doesn't make much sense though with my story)

I don't regret it at all.
But, yeah, sometimes I do wonder what if I didn't move in the first place?

What happened is the best one.

Well, we plan Allah decide.  Allah is the best planner after all. He don't give what we want but what we need.

So, that's all for now.

Unfortunately...

Superb Gathering!

Alhamdulillah~

After 3 painful weeks of EXAM!

2 weeks of works and boredom!

...I finally can release my pressure and do something fun

...in 4 IBS class gathering

...at Sunway Pyramid!

First, we went for skating. Already used to it, but this time I got a lot of 'students' to help and teach.

Lot more falls. Haha. 

Careful! IBS troops ready!

Then, we went for Laser Tag. It's like a paintball but a modern one. Not painful and you won't 'die'. This was really fun. Really! Try it! We went for Girls against Boys.

Still wondering who won though...

Gosh! We were so hungry. So, we makan-makan at Pizza Hut. 

Thanks everyone for coming and made my day filled with fun and laugh. Hope we can meet again and have a lot more fun!

*Credits to my brother, Afiq for being the photographer.

Well, Raya~

Ramadhan dah habis dah... 
entah dapat jumpa lagi ke dengan dia tahun depan...

Shawal dah datang balik. So,.....

Selamat Hari Raya!

As usual, let the pictures tell the story!

One happy family!

Kami lima beradik

Cak!

Bak bidadari~

Di Kg. Bharu

So, dah makan sedap-sedap raya ni, jangan lupa puasa enam!

And a question! Which raya is the best? This year or last year? And why? In the comments section.

Why I Wrote in English?

Sometimes, I wonder too. Some of my friends prefer if I wrote this blog in Malay.

"Oh, nak tunjuk terer English lah ni".
No way!


After I thought for a while. There are a few reasons why.

• WHAT TO CALL MYSELF?
• Saya?

I started blogging when I was 11. So, I use 'saya' which if I read back seems quite immature. It's ok if it's for telling story, but to tell about what's happening, what do you think, it doesn't seem right. 

Seriously, I facepalm everytime I read my old posts.

Ya Allah,Why did I wrote that in the first place! So, 'saya' is rejected. I don't remember when I last use 'saya'.

• Aku..

'Aku' seems ok but....there are older readers who read my blog such as my elder brother and sometimes my elder sisters. And, 'aku' seems quite rude and harsh sometimes. If you read it, it seems like..not me. Well, I admit I use 'aku' when I converse, BUT only with my friends! And 'aku' doesn't seem rude if you use to teall stories

So, 'aku' is not used.

• Kita, kita!

NO WAY! I'll never use that in a million years!!

• Ana~

Mmmm, *cough* 

Eheh, I've thoughts of using this before but...eheh, ehehe. Rasa tak selesa sikit. Rasa 'baik' sangat padahal dekat luar tu cakap 'aku' juga. Rasa macam tak sesuai. 

• I,

Yes, this is what I'm currently using right now. BUT! I don't want to use 'I' like..."I rasa you patut". Tak suka Campur-campur. Rosak bahasa.

AND that's why I wrote in English.

• IMPROVE ENGLISH!

I'm trying to improve my English. Writing posts is like writing an essay right? Well, kinda.. But still, it quite improving my English, alhamdulillah~

• WHO KNOWS...

Who knows my blog is being read by people from other countries. WHO KNOWS..maybe. Though it seems quite unlikely.

So, that's why I use English. To fulfill the reader's interest and to make them understand my posts, I only use simple English. Don't worry, I'm not really good in English.

I also put some 'Malay' words sometimes. There are also times I post in Malay.

• SUKA HATI

........saya lah~!

So, I guess that's all for now. SALAM RAMADHAN! Don't be bothered by Raya yet! Ramadhan nangis kang...

Invisible...

That's what I feel..

...almost everytime at school.


Well, I didn't cry... yet. But... there are times I almost.

...because I feel like I'm not there.

It feels like nobody realizes me even when I'm trying to say something. Or said something.

Nobody notices that I'm there. Or WAS there.

I've been trying to show myself to....everyone but I'm just a no one.

Invisible I am.

Even 'you' didn't realize me. 'You' seem to start to distant yourself from me. I feel like there's a wall you build between us. I probably shouldn't call 'you' 'best' friend in the first place, right?

It hurts. Sometimes I pretend  that I'm sick or exaggerate to get 'your' attention but, you didn't seem to care.

 I wanna tell stories and my feelings but...it seems like they're not interested to it, including 'you'. I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I'm being boring. I'm sorry that I tell you a lame story. It's boring, eh?

But 'you' laughed, or at least smile when you listen to other person's story. Or responded...

..but mine, you didn't much...I must be a boring friend. She's way funnier than me.They're way funnier.
I'm sorry.

If you're sad, come to me. But I think you already have a better person to tell your worries to. She's way nicer than me.........
... I'm sorry if I'm not there when you're depressed, when you're sad. I'm REALLY sorry.

If only 'you' read this. If only, 'you' read this, how would you react? Well, I don't think 'you' would read this, ever.

And would they read it and care? I don't know.

Invisible...alone...sad....and then a fake smile, I'm tired of it.

But I'm still not crying because I still have my family. Kazoku. ^.^

And I still have Him, Allah. He's always be there...<3 br="" nbsp="">

Happy Nuzul Qur'an by the way! Wassalam

Allah...

I just had a bad week, last week.

1. I've been anticipating for MUSLEH competition next week since the holiday! BUT, my hopes were crushed and crumpled. We couldn't participate it because of some reasons. School stuff.
2. And then at the same day, I got my Physics paper which we've been waiting for so long to get and..... it's really hard to smile after that. It was TERRIBLE! My friend tried to cheer me up and yeah, I forced myself to smile (and I kept singing Bad Day)
3. Also, in that week, I felt ignored by my friends. I don't know whether it's just me being too sensitive OR they really do ignore me.

Which reminded me of my old friends, already-move-to-other-school friends and my FAMILY.

I really want to call my mother badly but.... I'm afraid I'll cry and don't really know what to say. (I don't want her to find out my Physics just yet)

And next week, I, oops, I mean WE have to take over the school's reign from the Form 5s. And i have to prepare myself and brace my self for the job.

It was a bad week with the fact that my birthday was just around the corner (22nd June, Sat)

I almost cried because all of this, BUT then I tell myself, "Why should I cry? This is nothing!"

Allah is probably trying to test me right now.

I also realized that I always forget Him.


Selangkah ku pergi dari Mu, selangkah Kau dekat padaku.

Selangkah ku padaMu, seribu langkah kau pada ku.

Malunya aku...

NO INTERNET!

The internet connection at my house is down for a moment..well, till now actually.

The cause? I'm not sure but I think it is caused by the heavy rain few days ago.

And it's REALLY, REALLY frustrating. Just imagine, you are having a holiday for a week but there's no internet....

IT'S FREAKING FRUSTRATING!

I can't procrastinate...

BUT, the benefit is...I got to finish my homeworks at least, due to no presence of the Internet.

So,the only chance for me to use the Internet is at the library, right now, when I was writing this post.

Rite now, there's only 5 minutes left for me to use the Internet.

So, that's all for now.

wassalam~

Experiences...

Masha-Allah...


It's HOLIDAY! Haha, at last!

How long have it been?
2 months I guess, leaving this blog un-updated.

While my life is actually updated a lot.

IDC...

...exams (the result was freaking 'awesome', I wanna puke)

.... played hockey 4 school! (I'm new to it and it's fun and awesome~)

....judging at KDU (a whole new experience! Got to know a lot of people..)

...vacation with friends at Penang

... and currently, English drama in district level.

That's a lot for the first months. But now, I'm in a dilemma.

Our debate trainer, Brother Fakhry offered me and the others to participate in a Debate Open where Ill be teamed up with him. I really want to join it! But I have to pay quite a lot for it. But my parents don't really care about the fee, so...I'll think I'll participate the debate..

TAPI....

I'm also participating in the English drama. They didn't clash with each other but...they'll be held very close to each other. So, should I let go of this drama competition? Or, just try to cope with two competitions? OR, let go of the debate competition? No no no..

So, what do you think?

Egypt To Me

 So, a few weeks ago, I went to visit my brother at Alexandria, Egypt. Well, I'm not gonna tell you about where we go, what we do. I just gonna tell you about what is Egypt to me, how I feel after visiting it.

 At first, I expect Egypt as a developing country better than Indonesia, the place maybe gonna be kinda dirty. And I also expect the Egyptians themselves are probably rough but kind and friendly to us.

 But, I was wrong. The dirtiness and highway jam are worse than Jakarta. Rubbish everywhere it looks like slums except at the at the city where the rich people live, of course. And they are very rough one. But if there are some of them who are kind, they are very, very kind. Oh, what was Hosni Mubarak doing all this time to you, Egypt?

  Not all the Egyptian Muslimah are well-covered. They're actually very 'fashionable'. Red blouse, blue tight jeans and red shawl. White inner, green sweater, green floral shawl, tight black jeans and nice furry boots. Wow.

 And it's a bit hard to differentiate the Muslims and the Christians here. There are Christians who also wear shawl like the Muslims. They also say Insha-Allah and Wa-Allahi when they talk because it's their language you know. And the shawls are also is their culture.

  While I was in Egypt, there are still 'muzaharat' a.k.a demonstration where they gather and talk and ban and sometimes doing chaos. Yeah, it still happen because the Pro-Mubarak and whoever are banning Mursi, the current Egypt president. And macam-macamlah kesnya. Well, it's not really teruk sangat. Just maybe, causing jam. Come on, you all. Mubarak is nothing anymore. Mursi is a nice guy and try to help you all. Come on-lah.

 The jam, oh yes. Especially in Cairo when the 'dustur' aka 'perlembagaan' baru cannot be carried and implemented as there are less vote for it to be implemented and used. So, they don't have, easy to say, rules yet. So, gosh the roads were so, so congested with cars and people crossing the roads calmly like there are no cars.One person almost stuck between two cars. But she just stay cool..

 But after venturing Egypt for two weeks, I see Egypt has a lot of potential to rise again. Under the new reign of Mursi, Egypt can rise as a developed country. I know that, I believed that.

And here are are some of our pictures in Egypt!