Don't Wither Away

Summer is almost here. I could see the flowers started to wither away, like my heart.

Bleh. This is Malaysia. Its pretty much spring the today then summer the next day, suddenly it rains in a drizzle like so adorable or rather too much like the roof is gonna be blown off, like its never gonna end. (Oh yes, KL was flooded few days ago)

And no, my heart is not withering like the flowers. My heart is fine, enduring A-Levels with all its might. My heart is like Malaysian weather these days. Unexpected but its doing fine, for now. Mostly heat, but well everyone have their bad days. (Its been raining these days, so, its gonna cool down)

Its almost holiday. 3 papers left!

They make us do 4 essays in 1 hour 30 minutes and next, its gonna be 6 essays in exactly the same period. Wow, CIE wow. Why you so kedekut with the time allocation.

I hate exams (who does?) and this is what A-levels is all about.

Lemme go off your clenches, quick. Before the storm blow me off, far off the shore. Right in the middle of nowhere, circled by sharks and all those unknown.

But of course I got Him, who will pull me to the shore, if only I try to find the right way and steer the ship with all my might. And so will I not only survive but also discover the island that was before, only in my dreams. Now, its in front of you. Nothing is indeed impossible eh?

11 Tips to Hating Someone

Hey, ever wonder how to hate someone so good and so much?

1. Be rude. That person would not like you too. Thus, he/she would stay as far away as possible from you.
2. Be greater than the person. People say winning is the sweetest revenge.
3. Annoy him/her. He/she might hate you even more than you do.
4. Influence his/her friend that he/she is bad. With this way, you are able to take away the friends and gain support from them.
5. Keep hating that it makes you annoyed even by looking at her/him smiling
6. Keep hating that your heart hurts just by seeing her/him doing something nice.
7. Hate her/him even more if they’re perfect.
8. Hate them even worse if they’re not human
9. If none of the tip works or applies, then my advice is stop it.
10. Stop following the guide.
11. Stop hating

Cause you know what, 

no matter how much you try to make someone look bad,

no matter how much you tried to beat them, in the end the hatred hurts you not them. 

It EATS YOU not them.

No matter how bad the person is, he/she is only a human. 

Hate the actions not the person. Now, istighfar ;)

P/S: Well, if that person is not a human, do tell me. I might call NASA or CIA. Or Sherlock.

Generalising? Not so Quick.

Orang Melayu ni banyak malas ah. Tak suka kerja you tau.

Chinese are all so arrogant. Don't nego with them, they all ni penipu je

Indians ni panas baran tau. Suka cari gaduh.

Oh orang Sabah eh? Ada internet ke kat sana?

Wahabi dah dia ni. Tengoklah statement dia...ape entah..

Bajet cakap omputeh. Sombong, lupa asal usul dah dia ni, BM kan ada...


Dan banyak lagiiiiii....

Penat.

Tired of seeing and hearing all these stereotypes. It's never-ending and it might probably will never end cause, what power do we have to stop people's judgement and criticism? Barely. And the media, movies and social keep portraying all these stereotypes the same way.

We tend to generalise that all the Indians, all Malays and whoever are the same which led to the same treatment.

If you learn psychology, you will associate studies with generalisations a lot. To make it simple, you can't really generalise that everyone will act this way if they have this or that. This is due to individual differences.

Humans are so complex that there is no way that each and everyone of us will act the same way and have the same attitude towards a certain event.  In fact, there are variation of reaction and attitude that we express causing it very hard for psychologists to read, and determine whether, it is genuine or not, or does it affected by other factors and so many others lah.

In many experiments, the researchers have to conclude with a reduction and generalise to simplify their study. And for us to have better understanding about, us, generally. Although actually, humans are not that simple and can be affected by so many factors but of course, that will mess our heads up.

That is why I'm telling you, psychology is not as easy as you think. Humans are complicated, so do the subject. Thank you.

The same case with our stereotypes. Do you really think that anyone who said a particular stuff or act in a certain way is already considered Wahabi or Syiah? Do you really think that most Chinese are liars?  Do you really think that the uncivilised parts of Sabah you saw on TV are actually the whole Sabah? And do you really think that I am sombong and have forgotten my asal-usul because I spoke English?

Don't eat and swallow everything you saw, listen or grow up with. Do your research. It doesn't matter if it was told by your best friend, your ustaz, neighbours, or whoever. Well, yes, respect them. Listen to them, but that also does not mean that you have to accept the information as a whole. DO YOUR RESEARCH. Read, a lot. Listen to forums, debates and lectures. Refer and asked questions from the experts or from the one who knows better about a certain topic.
Interact and befriend with a lot of types people. You'll be surprised with how wonderful these people actually are.

It is important to open up your mind but that doesn't mean you have to accept every opinion. Hold on to your faith and principle as it is the base. Strengthen the base, and thus, you won't easily crumble. With a strong faith and principle, you won't be easily influenced by the stereotypes and negativity. Because of your faith, you have reasons to fight for what you are fighting for. It is not because of what people are going to say, but it is because of what you believe in and hold on to.

So people, don't generalise too quick. There are about 1.6 millions Muslims worldwide. So, if Muslims are terrorists, the world would probably end people. Same goes to the other ethnicity and races. Istighfar brothers and sisters. Don't get so quick on criticising. Be quick on action, for the betterment of all of us :)

Wassalam.

You Oh You

You thought showing off yourself will get you off from being left

You want to be amongst the known rather than being alone

People will not just know you, they want to BE you.


But then, you gasped. This is not what you want. This is what THEY want.

There were times you wish you never did this and that.

Times you wish you remain invisible and stay true to your principle.

But borders crossed. Ticked the time. Fated what have been written.

Now that you're here, don't disappear.

He brought you to it, now get through it!

Tenang

Serabut. Satu persatu mesej di dalam grup Whatsapp yang berjela itu ku baca.

Makin serabut.

Aku cuba memecahkan suasana yang genting itu dengan memberi pandangan dan pendapatku. Tiba-tiba, satu mesej private masuk.

Aku membuka dan membacanya berulang kali lalu terdiam. Aku memang sedang berdiam, mulutku tidak mengeluar bicara apapun dari tadi tetapi apa yang dimaksudkan ialah mindaku, yang sedang serabut dan rancak mencari solusi itu secara drastik bertukar kaku dan berdiam diri.

Aku membalas maaf dan maaf. Tapi dibalas pula dengan teguran yang sememangnya merobek emosi.

Kini, emosi pula yang serabut. Memang sepatutnya aku tidak masuk campur kerana aku tidak merasakan apa yang mereka rasakan. Kerana aku tidak faham.

Kerana aku tidak menjadi saksi.

Kerana aku tiada di situ.Tika sepatutnya aku ada.

Bukan kerana aku tidak mahu. Bukan kerana aku lari malah aku berkobar-kobar untuk bersama kalian.

Tapi Allah lebih tahu. Bukan rezeki aku. Abahku sayang untuk melepaskan sejauh itu. Tak, aku tak mengatakan bahawa abah-abahmu tidak menyayangi kalian. Malah, mungkin mereka percaya akan kalian untuk menjaga diri, bergerak sejauh itu demi sahabat yang baru kenalnya sebulan.

Aku renung kembali mesej itu. Air mataku tiba-tiba mengalir. Tanpa henti. Sudah lama ku tidak merasa begini.

Tak. Sahabat yang menegur itu tidak salah. Sememangnya aku yang bersalah untuk masuk campur tanpa aku ketahui apa sebenarnya yang terjadi.

Aku terus berdiam diri sejak itu.

Pelbagai grup Whatsapp telah aku left. Bukan merajuk tapi ingin menenangkan diri dari rasa cemburu dan imarah.

Ah mana tak cemburu melihat gambar kalian bergembira bersama berukhuwwah. Aku akui, cemburu itu membuak-buak membinasa diri.

Imarah itu pastinya ada terhadap individu tertentu tapi, kerana itu aku 'lari'. Kerana itu aku left. Kerana itu aku tiak berkata sepatah pun selepas itu. Takut api imarah itu membakar diri dan orang lain, memusnahkan hati-hati sahabat yang tidak bersalah.

Aku juga takut. Kerana aku takut sekali kalian benci pada aku terutama sekali engkau. Kerana apa? Kerana aku seperti mencampakkan tanggungjawabku ke tepi. Kepada engkau.

Kerana itu aku berdiam diri seketika. I was trying to make sense of everything.

Aku memohon maaf. Aku meminta maaf kalian. Walaupun sudah berlalu tapi aku takut masih ada dendam kesumat yang tersimpan terhadapku. Bukan hanya kerana kejadian itu, tapi juga untuk setiap saat antara kita.

Si engkau pun tiada dendam padaku walaupun selama ini aku hampir mengalami depresi kerana memikirkan salahku pada engkau. Bilaku memberanikan diri untuk akhirnya bertanya apakah engkau marah, kau menafikannya malah tergelak tawa saat kita bertemu pertama kali semenjak itu.

Aku menarik nafas tenang.

Kerana kemaafan engkau dan rahmatNya, aku kini tenang.

Dan sebenarnya, aku berharap sekali, tiada antara kalian terutama sekali engkau membaca luahan ku ini, kerana apa yang terjadi sudah pun terjadi dan aku malu.

Aku malu sekali.

Tapi, ku luahkan jua kerana sudah begitu lama ia terbuku antara aku dan Tuhan.